Previously on 24...

So being abroad as I've painfully mentioned several times has left me with a giant gap in my life - a void that was previously filled by Jack Bauer. Now that I've returned to the States I can catch up. So in honor of the First Episode I've kept a running diary.
Events Occur in Real Time
1:29 pm - perusing FOX.com for 24 full episodes - with all the Bones and American Dad shit all over the place is there really a better indicator of how terrible a station FOX has become? I'm just glad they canned Firefly and Arrested Development to let gold like Hell's Kitchen make the air.
1:31 pm - Textbook 24 beginning - I could write one - give me Joe Everyman doing something that everyone does, then out of nowhere terrorists (or the Russians/Chinese/Insert Country that Hates Us) abducts someone... and usually quite brutally.
1:35 pm - Nice Kurtwood Smith in the sho... oh, God first shot of Jack and I need new boxers. Anyhow back to Kurtwood Smith - he seems to turn up in everything lately - apparently he (according to his imdb page) even plays Hitler this year in an animated short called All in the Bunker. Side Note: is his best role the bad guy in RoboCop? He's been making a great living off playing the same exact character since then... that or Griggs in Rambo III.
1:38 pm - I love that it's basically a crucifiction for Jack - this is the US Government right? Don't you think they'd have a dossier like the one Willard reads about Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now? Just essentially 50 some pages summing up the 6 Hellacious days he's gone through SAVING AMERICA.
1:41 pm - Is that Billy from Entourage? And what the fuck is Janeane Garofalo doing in this season - if she's the new Chloe I'm going to be pissed (for reasons other than being forced to change the name of the blog).
1:44 pm - Walking into the FBI Agent Moss cocks off to Jack Bauer. I repeat - he cocked off to Jack Bauer.
1:48pm - Ok, this is just ludicrious - I figured there'd be the classic 24 loophole in which the explained how Tony was still alive - but why because he's bad now does he have to have that awful (and wildly cliche) 'pencil-thin bad guy mustache'.
1:51 pm - Madam President - woof. Couldn't the first woman President be a little more attractive?
2:00 pm - Just checked out Tony Almeida's (Carlos Bernard's) imdb page - other than 24 it is a little bleak. He must be thanking his lucky stars every day that they decided to bring Tony back.
2:09 pm - Ok, this Agent Moss guy is a douche, and why is there no one in the FBI aware of who Jack Bauer is? There's got to be files that include at least 2 of the last 6 seasons. It's like it's some kind of Bizarro World where all the Nukes and Terrorists he's taken down have just been swept under the rug... I mean did they forget? It's Jack Fucking Bauer.
2:17 pm - Ok nice that this chick is letting Jack work not like that douche Moss, also another classic 24 moment - right as someone's about to talk they get murdered because apparently extracting information is never that easy.
2:18pm - Pretty weak running diary out of me to start Day 7, but I was bored and really didn't care, so. Pretty decent start to Day 7... but then again 6 had one of the better starts in 24 history (nukes, Jack biting a guy's throat out, Curtis getting killed) and ended up being T-R-B-L Tarrible.