Recently I discovered it's illegal to drive without a front license plate. I've been doing it since High School and an officer decided to finally tell me by way of a citation. Although I'm surprised he didn't let me off, I mean my truck is about as badass as the Banner Picture (note: no front plate).
I made a trip to my nearest Department of Motor Vehicles in Waukesha to request a new front license plate... little did I know it's the equivalent to asking for the Shroud of Turin. Not only is it the poorest run office in the state, everyone that works there must have Brain Damage. I had to wait 2 hours just to get to a booth... which I really don't care about because I don't mind waiting - but do you know who's in the lines at a DMV? It's like a Leper Colony. I felt like the last sane man on Earth... if only because I wasn't mumbling or cussing or stinking of week long BO. Also I had the fine opportunity of being placed directly betwixt several kids looking to get their licenses. Do you know what the average 15/16 year old talks about while waiting in upwards of 2 hours? It's horse shit - all of it. Who's hot, who's gross - the worst was one of the kids started talking about how awesome Shinedown is, I wanted to blow my fucking brains out. I mean Shinedown? Seriously? They're like a shitty Nickleback cover band... and Nickleback is atrocious. Plus one of them was wearing a scarf and tight jeans, I wanted to ask him why his sister lets him borrow her jeans... God damnit I hate hipsters.
But then I had finally gotten to the front of the line and I thought my suffering was over... I was incorrect. I did not realize the Gaggle of Morons that reside behind the desk and glass at most DMV's. I had to talk to three different people before someone understood that I just need another license plate - not a set, not to say that I'd like to change my plates.
Idiot 1 - 'So wait... you just want one?'
Me - 'Yes.'
Idiot 2 - '(suspicious)... Why?'
Me - '(in my head) Jesus Harold Christ do I need to draw you a picture?'
But after all was settled I was still looked at like a terrorist walking out, like I'm pulling a slick one over on the DMV to get a new plate to put on my truck so everyone thinks I'm someone else in some master plan. I'm not James Bond, I'm just a fat asshole who hates having to answer the same question 18 times and doesn't want his time wasted. Come on people we have super computers that allow you to communicate instantly with people halfway around the world, you can download a movie in minutes, we have robots doing almost everything for us now, yet we can't make the DMV any more efficient? Didn't we put a man on the fucking Moon? Here's the kicker too - after all the fuss - it's being mailed to me, I have to wait more now. A trip to the DMV is comparable to being in a conversation with Spencer Pratt, just a never ending Hell.
