Ladies and Gentleman... I Present The Spool

There's an epidemic sweeping America, whether it's been popped collars or just being a douche in general the term 'Tool' doesn't really get thrown around enough. Now being the advanced world traveler I am - I've run into a new bread -
Latin Name: Spaniferous Toolicose
Common Name: the Spanish Tool
The Spool... if you will, has been seen many a time - mostly around Central and Northwestern Spain. He is identified by the Mullet, the Vanilla Ice fade, or just a Pony Tail. Any type of haircut that should be found in a time capsule spanning anywhere from July '81 to December '92 is their main target. It's also accompanied nicely by brightly colored 80's shirts, their sister's jeans, and high top sneakers (where the pants fit nicely under tongue). Common interest include - smoking a lot, listening to music on their cell phone while walking down the street (sans headphones) and hanging out on street corners or parks in small numbers. These guys are relentless - they have the Cat Calling Ability of 10 American Construction Workers and a penchant for Clubs, Electronic Music and Mixers that are roughly 15€ overpriced.
Listen Bra - let's say I get the Delorean up to 88 and go back in time to when what you're styling was mildly acceptable - I'm gonna be doing blow with Paul Molitor, not be surrounded by you. If I'm sitting outdoors at a restaurant and you casually walk past - I don't want my ears to start bleeding because you need to listen to your favorite DJ on your Razr2 over the sound of traffic or need to hear how bad you want to bang some feminina in Spanish at the top of your lungs.
I guess they're all over the place and we'll just have to deal with them... until VH1 produces Tool Academy: Madrid.